the sound of truth

"we have all heard what we wanted to hear
truth that sounds right to our ears

but what wisdom is there within us
to live based on the feeling of our hearts?
how many times has instinct let us down
never to be thought through
never to be questioned
say what you really mean
when your ambition calls you
for what use is there in praying
if you will only hear what you want to hear?

we speak of fighting to resist this world
but what about the battle within us?
if we have chosen to live against the grain
then why are we all facing the same way?
there is no difference between us and them
if we all blindly seek truth from sentiment"


great lyrics; so true. can you relate?

freshman excitement

school is coming faster and faster as the summer comes to a close, which is the normal 'end of summer' feeling. what's strange is that i am very excited. most of my friends are either moving, or are going to a school that will be at least two hours away. not that i'm happy about this, i know that i will miss them while they are away, but this will actually force me to leave my little 'hillary' bubble. i'm not going to lie, i am pretty close to legally insane on a few levels, but aside from that i'm a pretty shy and reclusive person.

i'm excited to meet the new people that the college 'experience' promises, or so i hope. i'm ready to set aside the petty dramas of adolescence and high school, to meet some down-to-earth people who don't care about the latest trends or living in a world of cliques. i just hope to meet some good and solid people whilst as school, without falling into a place where i'll be trapped or unhappy.

aside from meeting new people, i'm ready to get moving, and to start something new. it's not too terribly exciting considering i'm attending community college. mainly because this means i'll still be living at home, which is not exactly my first choice. but hey, where money will allow i shall go. at least my room is getting nice and homey, after seven years of living in it. the walls are finally starting to fill with posters, paintings, and shelves full of books. i've dug up some old photos, furniture, and random nic-nacs from the basement and other places to put in my once plain bedroom. it's pretty nice if i do say so myself :)

now all i need is to pick up my schoolbooks, wait for my financial aid to arrive to pay tuition, and to get a new job- soon! well i best be getting to bed, i have two weeks to repair my sleeping schedule in time for early morning classes. fun stuff. meh. here's a song for the road:

lake of the ozarks

oh no, i am meltinggg! well, not quite, but i am peeling. the poor unfortunate cells of my epidermis are being sacrificed to the skin gods- and oh are they unkind. they burn me, let me think that i may have gotten a tan, and they take it all away. ah well.

i went to the lake with the liz. it was quite eventful. first, on the trip there, her transmission blew out on the interstate. all was well, her father simply pushed the mustang across multiple intersections with his suv :) once there there was no way to check weather and the power went out across the lake. she calls madre: 'really well it's been tornado weather up here in kansas city!' scheisse. we visit the only neighbor's there and stay for a while. saturday comes and there is a huge three hour crisis with the wave runner, a crisis which proved to be a major contributer to my now peeling tan.

we took old time photos and went shopping, both of which proved to be lots of fun despite the fact that i look like a hooker from moulin rouge in my photo and that i am now broke. we looked at the bagnal dam, watched movies, swam, and chilled. we returned monday due to rain, and came back to the real world of work and lame. that's kansas for you i guess. but it's all good, all is well.

hakuna matata.

what i am i waiting for?

i'm losing my grasp on time. i can't remember the day, and i find myself wasting it away. when did life pass me by? i'm still young, and i still have time, but why do i tell myself there's always more time? i guess that's one thing i have to change about myself. after all, they say it isn't the fear of death itself that so many are scared of, but rather not having enough time. so what am i doing waiting? i wish i knew.

i dwell on the past and live in my imagination, thinking of things that could have been or could be, yet i never take action. i already look back on so many things and wonder, 'what if,' and i hate myself for never taking the chances that i could have taken. i don't even know what it is that i'm so afraid of- is it the unknown? change? the fear of failure? of happiness? of being hurt? why am i the way i am, when courage and the ability to say and do what one may feel or want comes so easily to others? do they feel the same way as me, but overcome it? or do i read into things too much?