amsterdam

12 days? okay :)

crazy for you, baby

My World

It's rare in this life to pause... to reflect on the past, present, and future as well as who you think you are and how that makes you feel.

For the first time in a long time, I've paused and realized how completely happy I am. I'm excited for the days and the future. I've broken away from hiding from myself and the world and, in the process, I've grown to accept myself. It's peace.

It's a scream of freedom kind of moment. It feels great.

flames

the moments when the world seemed far away, and the feeling ineffable. pulling me to my core. to feel so alive. why can't i reach that place now? where did you go? who would i be, if something that changed me and brought me those moments, were gone?

how can you weigh against the unknown? how can you make the bet? to go all in? to lose it all... or gain it? when do i fold? life is too much like poker... despite all the thought, the strategy, the patience... it's all still a gamble.

counting

counting down the weeks, and soon, days, until i finish this hell of a semester. while what i've been learning has been pretty interesting(ignoring mandatory and never ending testing), what i am most happy to inform is that the last three months have consumed my life from every angle.

on the bright side, i'm starting a new position. moving out of the nursing home and into the hospital setting: trauma, general surgery, and plastics. my first preceptor on the job actually had her first cna position at the same nursing home i started at- small world!

finally, i will be living abroad for a month next february. i can't express how excited and anxious i am to be living and working on my nursing practicum in amsterdam!

it's crazy to think that in just over a year, i will be a college graduate. i will be able to take a break from school for the first time in over seventeen years...

i am a part of all that i have met

a human being is a part of the whole called by us universe, a part limited in time and space. he experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. this delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.

we are the leaves of one branch, the drops of one sea, the flowers of one garden.

all is a miracle

it's been over a year since my last post. i must be completely honest, i'd forgotten i even had this blog until about fifteen minutes ago. throughout late elementary, middle, and early high school, i always kept journals; i wrote at least once a week, if not more. i still love reading through them and recalling all the things so small or trivial i'd forgotten, events so huge i felt they defined parts of my adolescence, and all the other interesting things you find in diaries. at times, i wish i still kept a steady journal, but i can rarely find either the time or motivation to write in one.

so, it is my vow to keep up, occasionally, on this blog... as well as my own personal journal, for all the things that you don't want to read (maybe) and that i don't wish you to see! ;) i highly doubt that many people read, or even know of, this blog, but then again, i think most blogs are kept for the sake of the one writing in them. am i the only one to feel this way?

well, i really shouldn't be posting write now anyways (considering i am in the middle of finals week), but before i finish i wish to leave you with this quote:

"people usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. but I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth. every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don't even recognize: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes of a child -- our own two eyes. all is a miracle." -thich nhat hanh

this could not be more true and i can only hope that someday all will find it to be so. until next time.